Days Go By

I have been thinking about school a lot these days. I actually sat down to write a pro and con list of whether or not to send the boys to school next year. And the thing is....all of my pros are superficial. They are things that could be solved with a little bit of work on my part- getting us out there and around other people more instead of being a homebody all the time. And my con list contains real issues. The real issues that started us on this homeschool journey in the first place. 

Rylan making his first cheese cake

Usually when I hit this spot it is because I am burned out. And while I won't say that I am not- it was different this time. It was more of a wondering of would it benefit us all to take a different path.  But I can't ignore all of the reasons on my con list that tell me that sending them off to public school would be a bad idea. 

Annika. Pouting.

I know myself enough to know that part of my problem is that my confidence is shaken.  I tend to be a self doubter- but years ago I was pretty confident in my ability to educate my kids in a fun, engaging way.  I was full of ideas and could write out an entire unit in a couple nights and put it into action. Now I am not so certain.

Lakin and June

And back even further I was pretty confident in my skills as a mother. I was fun. I could care less about a mess born from creativity. Our systems and schedules all worked. Now I am not so certain.

Snake in the creek

So what is different now?

Picking buttercups

Somewhere along the way I've gotten blocked. Creativity seems less and farther in between. I allow the negative voices in my head override the positive. Anxiety and depression creep back in and wait in the background. And life in general gives roadblocks and detours. Sometimes paths are changed when you least expect it and you don't notice until you are already well on your way.

Cale making pizza for dinner

So now what? Where do I go from here?

Climbing on the table to get a closer look

I  go back to my nature. To plan. To write lists of what I want to change, what I want to do, what I want to teach. I attempt to give up the notion that I have to do everything, right now, by myself.  I ask for help.

From my front porch looking out

And realize that it is okay to use a curriculum written by someone else. And it is okay to alter that curriculum as I see fit. And it is okay to use one written by me.

Kids and Kids

It is okay that we haven't done any actual science work in months, because our lives are so full of "science". It's okay that I have given up on this year- as far as planning units- and anything I come up with in the next couple  months will be used next year.

Annika and Bella

I strive to see the joy and happiness in my life and not let my negative tendencies override them.  To let go of the worry over the future and the present and enjoy my children and my family.

Are you talking to me?

And to simply live. And love. And have fun. 

Fun